


The Honeypot

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-19
Updated: 2008-07-19
Packaged: 2019-04-29 10:06:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14470329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: The Serenity's crew pop a trap on a group of pirates.





	The Honeypot

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** There is some swearing (mostly in Chinese) and off camera death.

  
Author's notes: There is some swearing (mostly in Chinese) and off camera death.  


* * *

The Honeypot

## The Honeypot

1: 

Later: 

Jourgensoun knew his rifle like he knew his ship. He loved and cared for it as if it were a part of his body. Could tell you its specifications from memory. However, though he knew that the hole in the end of the barrel was no more than an inch and a quarter in diameter, he had discovered that when you were on your knees, staring into the bore from about six inches away, it looked to be the size of a dinner plate. 

Kneeling there, looking into larger-than-life death, Jourgensoun listened as the son of a bitch at the other end of his rifle pontificated. 

"Well, now. Ain't this been a big damn adventure? Had yourself a big honkin' honeypot turn sour on you, huh? Full of stingin' bees." The son of a bitch turned a little to his left, though his eyes stayed locked with Jourgensoun's, and spoke to the woman who stood there. "Zo, get up to the hatch and let Kaylee in. Soon as she and Wash get that piece of <go se> slaved to our cons, I want us on our way to the depot." 

Zo turned to leave, securing her short-barreled rifle in a low-slung holster that was tied to her right thigh. "Aye, Captain. You want me send a wave ahead of us? Let them know we caught their fish?" 

The captain turned back to Jourgensoun and smiled. "Nah, let's surprise them. Be a nice one, us coming in so soon after they hired us. Don't expect they figure on seeing us for at least a week or two." 

Another crew member walked up to the captain; a big bastard with an even bigger bastard of a knife in his hand. "Mal, the rest of `em are tied up. Had to knock the one that looks like a <xing xing> out, again. We may have to shoot him. Don't think rope's gonna hold him. 

The captain, Mal, didn't react. He just kept his eyes locked on Jourgensoun's as he replied. "Go down to the engine room. See if Kaylee's still got some of that vacuum tape laying about. That oughta hold him. I don't want to kill any more of these < a er zi san zhen tan fei fei> unless we have to. Might affect our pay." Mal smiled at Jourgensoun. "I were you, big boy, I'd be pondering things. Things like what exactly is going on here, and how the Hell did I end up like this. Jayne, tie this one up, too. Shame to keep the crew away from their captain." 

As the man called Jayne walked around and began tying Jourgensoun's hands, Mal turned and walked back to the airlock's controls. "Yep, a powerful amount of pondering, big boy. Powerful." As the airlock door shut, Jourgensoun did just that. 

2: 

Earlier: 

The small freighter drifted aimlessly through the black, its engines scarred and burnt where they'd burned out as they died. Captain Jedd Jourgensoun leaned back into his seat and smiled at his long-range view screen; watching the disabled ship grow larger as his own ship, the "Jester's Hand" drew closer to it. It was an older ship, a Firefly class, but it could still mean a month's vacation to him and his crew. Ship like that, this far out in the boonies, was most likely bearing settlers to their new home planet. Settlers meant goods; grain, seed and supplies. Goods meant money. 

Jourgensoun's navigator had picked up the Firefly's distress signal from one system out. It was weak, and only being broadcast once every half hour. The message was short, reading only "Mayday. Engine failure." The infrequency of the signal's broadcast could mean that there was no one left alive to key the signal more frequently, or it could mean that whoever was left was broadcasting as little as possible in an attempt to save the ship's batteries for life support. If everyone was dead, then the ship was legal salvage, free to whomever found her first. If anyone was left alive, then it was legally still their ship, along with whatever she carried. That had never kept Jourgensoun and his crew from salvage before, though. 

3: 

The "Jester's Hand" was a mutt of a starship, pieced together from the cast-off remnants of six or seven other ships. Her main body was the frame of an old Weyland Yutani ore freighter, her main engines and power plant were from a Shepherd P50 Dreadnaught, and her hull plating was a puzzle of shielding from various freighters and military ships. The result of all this piecemeal construction was a hulking big bastard of a ship; one which looked exactly like what it was, a pirate vessel. 

As the `Hand' swung around to align her airlock with the derelict Firefly's, her shadow enveloped the smaller ship, casting over it a gloom that was as dark as the surrounding space. As the `Hand's' jury-rigged docking collar connected with the Firefly's, several thick cables snaked out from the `Hand' and latched on to the small freighter. Most of these cables served only to insure that the Firefly would have a breathable atmosphere when Jourgensoun and his crew entered, but several of the cables latched onto the Firefly's hull and began boring their way into the metal. They then searched out wiring and roughly hacked a connection between the `Hands' computer and the freighter's. 

Jourgensoun and his seven man crew stood just inside the `Hands' airlock, checking their weapons before entering the pressurized hallway that connected their ship to the Firefly. Jourgensoun looked over to Chun Ti, his second in command, who was using a portable reader to access the Firefly's internal sensors. 

Smiling, Chun Ti looked up at Jourgensoun and reported, "No active sensors, cap. Looks like their power's down to nil. They may have minimal life support, but not enough for more than two or three people." 

Jourgensoun grunted in acknowledgement. "Good news, but don't drop your guard, boys. This ain't easy till we're loaded with the cargo, and have this heap at our backside." Jourgensoun motioned one of his men to open the airlock hatch, chambered a round into the breech of his rifle, and stepped into the umbilicus. 

4: 

Chun Ti used the butt of his pistol to knock on the thick glass set into the airlock door. After a moment he smiled and waved to someone on the other side of the door. Still smiling, Chun Ti muttered from the corner of his mouth. "Two people, man and a woman. Neither one slung. They're dressed soft, `specially the filly. Here he comes, get ready." 

Chun Ti stepped back as the airlock door swung open, revealing a blonde man who was dressed like he was on vacation. The man smiled and practically threw himself at Chun Ti's feet, mumbling his thanks. Jourgensoun and the rest of his men stepped into the Firefly's cargo hold, guns at the ready, and searched the shadows for hidden attackers. Chun Ti was still smiling and patting the blonde man on the shoulder. "No worries, buddy. You're lucky we caught your `stress signal at all, weak as it was." Turning to Jourgensoun, Chun Ti called to him,"Cap, this here's George Jetson. George, this is Captain Jedd Jourgensoun of the `Jester's Hand'." 

Jetson grabbed Jourgensoun's hand and began pumping it, a sappy grin on his face. "< re gai si> but we're glad to see you, Captain Jourgensoun. The engines died on us two days ago, and the crew left me and my wife, Judy, here to die. Just loaded what they could carry into the shuttles and took off." 

Jourgensoun tried to speak, but the idiot was rambling, barely stopping long enough to take a breath. "God, but we thought we'd had it. Judy, that's my wife, she's the one who figured out how to send out the distress signal. She's so smart. I can't even figure out the toilet on this ship, much less the radio. Judy said we'd have about three day's of air before the batteries gave out, and it's been two, so I'm......" 

Jourgensoun clapped a hand over Jetson's mouth, stifling him. "Mr. Jetson, I'm afraid you keep jawing like that you're gonna use up the air in here and on my ship. Why don't you introduce me to your genius wife, then we'll see to getting you two squared away." 

Jetson's eyes widened as Jourgensoun pulled his hand away, "Oh, of course. How < you ben > of me." He turned and beckoned over the woman who'd been standing off to one side. "Honey, come on over and meet our savior. Captain, my wife, Judy." 

Jourgensoun watched the woman walk over, making no attempt to hide the fact that he was mentally undressing her. She was a beautiful filly, alright. Pale skin, perfect body, and a head of thick, curly, jet black hair. She was dressed elegantly, almost richly, in a flowing dress that resembled a kimono. As she approached, holding her hand out to be shaken, Jourgensoun couldn't help but wonder how an idiot like Jetson had landed such a sweet fish. He also wondered if he couldn't make enough money selling her to warrant leaving her alive; after he and his boys had a little fun first, of course. 

The lady spoke with a voice that dripped honey. "Well, Captain, I can't tell you how happy we are to see you." Her eyes slid down Jourgensoun's body, coming back to his face as she continued with a small smile that promised pleasures beyond imagining. "Who knows what would have happened to us if you hadn't come along." 

Jourgensoun gave her a smile that was half leer. "Happy to be of assistance, ma'am. Any help that you could use, we're happy to oblige." He turned to address Jetson. "So, down to business. First off, I gotta know if it's just you two on the ship. Not to sound distrustful, but I need to know if any of my crew are gonna get surprised by someone jumping out at them. They're good boys, but they get surprised. they tend to get a little trigger happy." 

Jetson shook his head. "No, no. It's just the two of us. Like I said, the < dui hai bing hou zi fen > of a crew just up and left us after the engines died." 

Jourgensoun smiled and leveled his rifle at Jetson's head. "Well, now, if that ain't powerful good news. Makes the rest of this go so much smoother." 

Jourgensoun was preparing to fire when Chun Ti yelled a warning from the front of the cargo bay. Jourgensoun started to turn, looking for whatever Chun Ti had seen, when something very hard hit him in the back of the head, and his lights went out. 

5: 

Jourgensoun had been unconscious for so long that by the time he came around the whole thing was over. He rolled over on his side and looked around to see all but one member of his crew bound with rope. Chun Ti lay to Jourgensoun's left, unbound, but with two large gunshot wounds in his chest. His glassy eyes stared at Jourgensoun, almost accusingly. 

Jourgensoun had started to rise, searching for his rifle, when the son of a bitch introduced himself. 

6: 

Now: 

Jourgensoun jerked his head up, cursing himself for dozing off. Probably had a ruttin' concussion from that son of a bitch captain cheap shotting him from behind. It was the only explanation for him dozing, considering his current situation. 

It was a change in the vibrations coming through the ship's deck that had awakened him. They were slowing down, had begun hovering, in fact. He heard voices coming from the foredeck and turned his body over, watching as the son of a bitch and the moose called Jayne walked in. There was a new person with them, a woman. She had to be the ship's mechanic, strange as that seemed to Jourgensoun, judging by the grease that stained her face and coveralls. She was finishing some report to the son of a bitch as they entered the cargo hold. 

".....coupling was a real < zhuo lie > to get connected. Everything else was easy. That ship might be a collection of junk, but it's been engineered real smart-like. Can't wait to get onboard and start picking her over, Captain." 

The son of a bitch smiled and gave the girl's shoulder a pat. "Don't worry, little Kaylee. You'll get your chance to play with your new toy," He turned and looked down into Jourgensoun's eyes, "Just as soon as we finish some business." 

7: 

Jourgensoun stood apart from his crew, who were tied together in a large group by their bonds, Chun Ti's body tethered to them by a length of rope. They'd been led over to the cargo bay's main door and set down with their backs to one another, their legs spread out like the petals of a flower. Jourgensoun himself was tied to one of the support struts that ran up the cargo bay's walls. 

The mechanic, the moose and the son of a bitch had been joined by what Jourgensoun assumed was the entire crew. The fool who'd lured them in and the woman who'd played his frail stood with the mechanic and the moose on a platform at the front of the bay. The woman called Zo stood next to the fool, holding a control box of some kind. Only the son of a bitch was on the cargo bay floor with Jourgensoun and his crew. 

"We've come to the end, fellas. This is what a literary type would call the denouement. It's a twenty credit word, I know, but I've always found it pleasing to the ear, myself. Fact is you and your crew have been making trouble for the folks that run the freight depot on this moon. Been waylayin' and murderin' so many crews that it's makin' people a might nervous about doin' business in this system. Now, me and mine, we got no real quarrel with your thievin'. Hell, we've been known to thieve more than our fair share, truth be told. No, the problem's you killin'. I hold no grudge with a man kills another man in a fair fight. Again, my hands ain't clean, far from it. Killin' when there's no need, though, for pleasure, like. That's unforgivable." 

He leaned in close to Jourgensoun, eye to eye. " My point of view, makes you no better than the gorram Reavers." 

The son of a bitch moved back and turned to walk towards his crew. "So, when the folks that run the depot offered us the job of bringing you < mu fen pian duan > to justice, we jumped." 

The son of a bitch stopped walking and reached up to grab ahold of a thick strap that hung from the framework his crew stood on. "Zoe, my throat's dry from all this talk. Make with the justice." 

The dark-skinned woman raised the control box she was holding and said "My pleasure, sir." She pushed a button on the control, then dropped the box and took a firm grip on the railing she stood behind. 

The alarm klaxons began blaring from a speaker that hung above Jourgensoun's head, and a yellow warning light began strobing above the cargo ramp. A line of painfully bright sunlight appeared at the top of the ramp, followed by the hissing whistle of air escaping through the gap made by the ramp lowering. 

Jourgensoun's men panicked, struggling to pull themselves away from the portal, but only succeeded in tangling their bonds. As the door finished opening, the group of screaming, struggling men slid down the ramp and out into the bright, blue sky. 

Jourgensoun's head whipped around as the son of a bitch cut the rope that bound him to the strut and began pushing him toward the open door. "You bastard! Murdering < zhuo lie > ! You said you were taking us to trial. To justice!" 

The son of a bitch stopped just inside the open ramp and spun Jourgensoun around so that his back was to the opening, and the two of them were face to face. 

"You callin' me a murderer? Now that's a pot and kettle situation if ever I saw one. Killer I may be, big boy, but I ain't a liar. I never said we were taking you to trial. I said justice. See, the folks at the depot didn't want you any way but dead. The only reason I didn't kill you and your gang of cowardly fucks at the first is that they offered double if they got to watch you die." 

The son of a bitch gave Jorgensen a cold grin and then shoved him backwards through the door. 

8: 

Mal turned to his crew, stepping forward so the ramp wouldn't hit him as it closed. "Well, that was almost fun. Wash, bring us down in that big field just outside of the town, then get online with that mongrel tub of theirs and bring it down so me and Kaylee can start picking it over." 

Wash sketched a small, half-assed salute and turned to head up to the bridge. "Aye, skipper. I'll have us down in about ten minutes." 

Mal turned to Zo. "Zo, soon as we land, prep the mule. You and Jayne head into town and get our coin. Jayne, leave your weapons here. Zoe's in charge, so she's the only one they'll allow to strap. They're gonna be happy to see us, so I don't expect any trouble, from them or you. If something does go down, you'll just have to improvise." 

Jayne growled a response and began removing his weapons as Zoe began unstrapping the small ATV. 

Kaylee fell in step with Mal as he headed towards the engine room. "You must be happy, Cap'n. This is quite a haul we got ourselves." 

Mal smiled at Kaylee as she ducked through the doorway of the engine room. "That I am, little Kaylee. We managed to reach into the honey pot and pull ourselves out a fistful of sweetness. Best of all, we did it without getting stung." 

Pinyinary (Chinese) to English translations (in order of appearance in text): 

"go se"= dog shit 

"xing xing"= gorilla 

"a er zi san zhen tan fei fei"= sons of a three-dicked baboon 

"re gai si"= hot damn 

"yu ben"= stupid 

"dui hai bing hou zi fen"= pile of diseased monkey droppings 

"zhuo lie"= bastard 

"mu fen pion duan"= motherless pieces of shit

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Title:   **The Honeypot**   
Author:   **RationalDementia**   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **PG-13**  |  **gen**  |  **16k**  |  **07/19/08**   
Characters:  Malcolm, Zoe, Wash, Kaylee, Inara, Jayne   
Summary:  The Serenity's crew pop a trap on a group of pirates.   
Notes:  There is some swearing (mostly in Chinese) and off camera death.   
  



End file.
